A Wordless Radiance

Dear Annette,

Your words mean nothing.  Things appear to come and go and change, but nothing comes or goes or changes.  A constantly moving motionlessness.  Nothing exists outside of this.  This is beyond the concepts of existing and not existing.  Even nothingness is just an idea in this.  A whole world in flux.  I could say that there is no me, but that statement is just as false as stating that there is a me.  Nothing can be said. 

Just because there was suffering yesterday doesn’t mean that there will be any today.  The second suffering is seen, it is already gone.  Nothing can last.  Nothing can be found.  The search never happened.  To describe things is pointless.  What things?  What arising can be separate from any other arising.  What arising? 

Nothing was ever done to come to this, because no one ever left this.  There is nothing other than this.  “Reality” cannot be found.  No effort, pain, or frustration ever got me closer to this.  Was there ever any effort or pain or frustration? 

Conditions cannot be placed upon this.  Everything has always appeared exactly as it has.  A lifetime of self-inflicted suffering never happened.  I did not stop the search.  I did not stop my suffering.  I can’t find anything, anything at all!  Who could be looking?!?  A fluxless flux.  A giftless gift.  A play of nothingness.  Nothing to see through.  Nothing to do.  No movement away from this.  Haha.

Anything I can say is a contradiction.  When a “problem” comes up, it is dismantled practically instantly.  How can I lose this?  I never had anything!  And I never found anything!  Funny. All of this non-dual writing was so incredibly frustrating, and now I see that that was because I was trying to get something, to figure something out, something that you had and that I had lost long ago. You have nothing, Annette!  Nothing cannot be given, but it cannot be lost either!  A wordless radiance, as vivid as infinite life.

I am sincerely grateful for you and your community of folks who take the time to point out what is already obvious.  I hope you guys keep it up.

Chris