...And Then What?

Q: I have realized that I suffer psychologically as a result of believing in all manner of thoughts, images, sensations that occur to me.  I'm a “believer.”  I have gone so far as to see that there are self-images and concepts and then..... reality.  Yet, I fall under the influence of the images, again and again.  I can't figure out how to stop it.

Any ideas?  I'd like to be done with the suffering.

A: I really appreciate your keeping it short! Thank you.

Let’s see if we can look at this whole thing a different way. If you were to stop believing the thoughts, and if you were to be done with the suffering, what exactly would be different about that?

Just play with that and see what comes up. We’re going after ingrained patterns of thought, and trying to nudge them to do something different. Look and see if you know what's at the “end” of this string of desires that you are accustomed to carrying around unchallenged.

Q: After mulling your question over, I realized that giving myself more time was not going to lend more clarity. I say this because all of my responses seem to beg your question.

> If you were to stop believing the thoughts, and if you were to be done with the suffering, what exactly would be different about that?

Chelsea: I wouldn't suffer.

(Chelsea to self: Oh, wait.... That doesn't answer the question.)

Chelsea:  I would experience peace, not be thrown off balance anymore by the thoughts, have equanimity no matter what arose.  And that would feel really good, which is different from how I feel now, when I'm spinning in trying to figure out how to deal with or get out of suffering.

(Chelsea to self: Um.... Isn't that kind of just an elaborated definition of not suffering?)

Chelsea:  I would experience a sense of great accomplishment, at having finally “conquered” whatever the core of the problem is in this decades-long search for happiness.

(Chelsea to self: Er, more of the same?)

> Look and see if you know what's at the “end” of this string of desires that you are accustomed to carrying around unchallenged.

The same me, but with a different orientation to phenomena.  Equanimity in the face of phenomena. Discernment. And also the end of searching and desire.

By the way, I'd like that with fries and a shake. (I'm not being a wise ass.... I just realize how patently unrealistic it is to expect to achieve this in a permanent way!!)

To each “end of this string of desires” can be asked, “And then what”?

Puzzled.

A: Good job! I love your response so much. I love your humor, and the fact that you really caught on right away!

I don’t think I need to ask you anything else, because you know where it ends up. It always ends up at, “... And then what?”

Annette: What would happen if you resolved the puzzlement? 

Chelsea: If I resolved the puzzlement, I wouldn’t be puzzled anymore. ... And then what?

Somehow, we keep ending up at “puzzled.” Hmm.

There is total puzzlement here, and that appears to be unfixable. I don’t think there are any more words I can throw at this that are going to unpuzzle this. There is total cluelessness. And yet, life appears to go on. And it doesn’t seem to matter that I’m puzzled, clueless. It doesn’t seem to matter that none of those “non-dual” questions ever got answered. It doesn’t seem to matter if I believe myself to be an “I” or not.

And yet, here I am, alive, regardless of what is believed in the life. Alive and puzzled!

Great job. Maybe you should start a blog.

Q: I do have some things I will probably want to say, but I'm mulling again.... puzzling, shall we?  

I truly have had some breathtaking insights in relation to our exchange.  But then I took a nap instead of writing them all down! LOL. I do think you are on to something of a profound “technique.”  Keep going with it.

And then there was this follow-up, soon after:

To be clueless and perpetually puzzled without the possibility of parole, as life goes on, ironically clears something up. Namely, that reality doesn't need my participation or understanding to function at complete, dazzling efficiency. If I'm not "getting it" -- no worries, IT (or THAT, as the non-dual folks say) is "getting it" .... it will not miss a step. What a huge relief. A complete no-brainer. With love and gratitude, Chelsea

A: Thank you! You did all the work. I didn't do a thing!