Freedom Doesn’t Last

Q: [My earlier email] was an expression of the mind's continuing confusion.  There seems to be a continuing rebellion about this mystery that I am. I exist but I can find no “person” who exists; only memories, thoughts, feelings, sensations, dreams and daydreams, etc.  Something does not want to “give up the ghost” just yet. 

I'm not sure what's “holding me back.”  I suspect I haven't suffered enough and am therefore not yet willing to “let go” of my illusion of a personal life.
  
A: You said: “There seems to be a continuing rebellion about this mystery that I am.” 

Nothing is continuing. Nothing lasts over time. So there is no continuing rebellion. What there is is a thought arising right now that says, “I am rebelling against what I am” or “I am frustrated that this is going on so long.” That’s all it is, a fleeting thought. Then you’re on to the next thought, like “I’m hungry.” And so, where is the rebellion now?

Stick with what is right now. Right now there is empty, clear space, into which no contents have yet appeared. And then appearance (the world) happens, over and over. But right now, there is no world, there is only the conscious space on which appearance happens. Right now, there is no rebellion. There is no one to rebel. There is simply nothing at all. No problem.

The beauty of Advaita is that you are finally freed from the mainstream spiritual idea that there is something in this world that needs fixing. You are finally shown that it’s not about “this world”; that this world – the personal self, the ego, suffering – is an appearance, and the appearance does not touch who you really are. And so nothing that happens in that appearance has any effect on anything at all. We’re finally done with trying to fix the appearance, and that includes trying to end the rebellion, clear up the confusion, etc. etc.

Advaita is pointing outside that world of appearances, in the space RIGHT HERE, the space before appearance jumps into existence with a thought – the space of conscious nothingness. When and where is that space where nothing appears? Right here, right now. So when you look and say “I am rebelling,” you are WAY outside of here and now. You are remembering something from yesterday, or from a minute ago, or perhaps projecting about how it’s going to be tomorrow. None of that exists. Only right now exists.

This space of here and now is not some goal you reach. That would be a time-bound proposition. This is the one “thing” that is not time-bound. Right here, right now – and now it’s gone! You see, even the freedom does not last. There is only freedom right here, right now, before attention is paid to that next thought. Perhaps you are expecting some kind of permanent freedom, and that thought leads to the thought “I have not yet attained permanent freedom from rebellious thoughts.” 

There is no permanent freedom. Permanence is about time, and time is non-existent. There is now, and there is freedom now. No problem, no suffering, and that’s all there is. So when you find yourself having a thought of, “I just don’t seem to want to give up the ghost,” in the moment that thought passes, notice the freedom, right here, right now. Nothing is going to happen – like giving up the ghost – that in any way affects the freedom right now.

This is the gift of Advaita, showing you that you are free of all that. There’s nothing to accomplish in the world, no confusion to clear up in the world. Look right now at the space before the next thought arises, and there is nothing. No confusion, no rebellion, no suffering. And this is where you always are! You are always right here and nowhere else! Notice what already is, right now, and the freedom is staring you in the face. You can’t miss it. But it’s not a lasting freedom. There is only an eternally new, present-time freedom, right now, and it’s yours, right now. That’s the key.

Stop looking for a freedom from confusion that is lasting, and I think you might see what I’m talking about.