The Watcher

I have been searching for at least two years about “The True,” reading, watching videos and exchanging ideas with “my angel,” a person who appeared in my life, rescuing me from all this insanity in life that I see.

It’s not very common to find a woman in this work, it seems a thing for men. Sometimes I think we, as women, have enough to do raising our children and fighting with all our emotions.

So... this morning I found an
audio for you and I could see all the similarities that I’m having in my process. I quit my job and I must find another one, but there’s a huge trust that it will happen by itself. I need to be alone. I don’t have much energy, and thinking about being connected with other people (talking as "a person") I find false. I find more food for the ego, for the false, for the what it isn’t.

I have had some insights for seconds...and then they go. I can see the stillness that I am, inside where everything appears....but the person is still here. I feel the thoughts appearing and I feel them very annoying, like a drug, but it doesn’t stop. Trying to deny them is absurd, meanwhile the "False I" is here.

The sensations are always very intense, it was very strong in me from when I was a child. I was scared about my thoughts and sensations, they disturb my tranquility and innocence. I was very terrified about all the bad and violent things in the world.

I stopped looking for more articles or videos. The mind can’t find anything. The mind think it knows and sometimes I have doubts about if it is an insight or "ego trip.” I want to stop. There’s nothing to do. Just wait and trust. Because I don’t have more energy.

One of the questions that I would like to ask you is if during the process is it normal to feel some physical disease and low energy. Sometimes the despair appears and I feel maybe the True wants me to live in Maya forever. Maya is very powerful. And only very few can come to The True.

A: I'm very glad you wrote to me to express your concerns and questions. What you are feeling is very normal.

Once we have started going on a spiritual path, there is nothing much to do besides just watch it all happen. We watch as the wonderful insights appear, and we watch as they fade away. We watch as the mind becomes agitated and the ego gets loud, and we watch as the "True" in us once again takes over and brings peace and relaxation. And what is this that watches? What is this watcher? It never changes, it never needs anything, it never is absent.

So yes, you are right that there isn't anything more for the mind to know or to learn. The mind thinks it knows something, but what knows the mind? What watches the mind? That which watches doesn't need the mind.

I would say that if you are having physical diseases and low energy, this is common as well. But remember that it is not the "True" that is having disease or health, or high or low energy. The true you is the watcher of all states of the body and the mind. So they may come and go and it's okay.

This all becomes more and more clear as time goes on. It's a process. It can feel very slow at times. Very very slow! Despair comes, but it is okay because it just makes you even more focused on knowing the True you. Everything is here just exactly as it supposed to be. You're doing everything right.

Please write again anytime! I would be happy to answer any other questions you may have.

Q: It was a big pleasure to see your answer. Thank you so much!

My life was very difficult being abused and growing up alone in a narcissistic family, not very lucky.....but one day I stopped and Knew that all that I see couldn’t be "the life", it was can’t be born to suffer. The Real Life, the Real Thing have to be in somewhere....

It’s like "something" (Jenny, the person) has to survive.... trying to solve the life of the character, making decisions (I hate it), all the images, speeches in my mind that make me crazy, all the sensations...Trying to suffocate all the wishes like to find a nice partner in my life for me and my little son, or accept what I don’t like it in my life's so limiting.

What is this that watches? Something imperturbable.

What is this watcher? If I’m can I be something so simple? Something that’s not human, it’s not form, it’s nothing, but contains everything...

I appreciate your dedication.

A: Oh Jenny, you touch my heart! You have had a hard life. I feel and understand how painful it is to feel "trapped" as this person. But look at the blessings you have already gained – you were given the absolute, unshakeable Knowing that "the real life" is here somewhere, and you are not born to suffer.

Stay with this. This real life, this real thing, this real YOU is indeed here – already, always. It never suffers. It's real, it's true, and it's available. It's actually available right now, but it's just hard to see that, because the personal, suffering ego/mind has all these wrong ideas about itself. But all of that will eventually sort itself out.

This is very hard, and it's painful along the way. But think of all the poor people who never have an idea at all of what you know, which is that there is a Real Life in which suffering does not exist. So you are fortunate to have a glimpse of what is real, and that will guide you. The Real is what you are, and always were. That light is always shining, and it's only when we willingly turn away from it that it seems to be dark. Our work is to keep turning to that Real, that Light, every time we can.

Yes, you are this watcher, so simple, not a human being. It's hard to understand at first, but eventually you will understand.

What is watching Jenny’s despair right now? What is watching Jenny’s mind and thoughts right now? What is watching Jenny’s body right now? Is there any despair in this watching? No, there isn't. This watching is always free of emotional states.

I'm glad you were guided to find my YouTube, and you will be guided to everything that you need to resolve this pain you are suffering. It just takes time. Be patient. But right now, and always, you already are the True and Real. You will find more and more validation of this as you keep asking these kinds of questions.

You're doing great, Jenny! I know it's hard – life is very hard – but luckily we know about this actual Reality in which everything is eternally perfect. It is here right now. It exists, as the only real thing.